Never mind the homework, here's the Vegan Teacher

I haven’t been called in for the past couple days which has led to the lack of relevant updates on here. In an effort to not get carried away with banal tales of daily life, I refrain from posting all together. But some people want to know what I’ve been up to while not teaching, so this is for them.

In the last few days I finished editing the manuscript. As soon as I get some images scanned it will be ready to solicit, under the transom if it were, to a couple publishers that might be interested. One of my Profs is a published author and he gave me a couple local contacts. If that doesn’t work, there’s a couple smaller ones in the States I might hit up. If that doesn’t work, I have a book binder at my disposal and will do it myself!

I also took the free time as an opportunity to get some health stuff checked out. Things I’ve been meaning to do since the summer. Follow up vaccinations, check ups and the tuberculosis test. Everything went fine, I did not contract anything last year. The TB test was weird though. They inject some fluid under your skin and if the area swells up at all, you’ve been exposed and the next step is the TB clinic. It came back negative for me though, so horray!

I’ve been swinging 3-4 band practices a week lately. Usually two with CS and two with the recently revived FP. CS are looking to make a record in the spring and FP have our first show in two years in March. Exciting times!

Lastly, a couple friends and I are going to take over one night a week of DJ duties at a local pub. Our debut is tomorrow and I’m looking forward to getting out, socializing a bit and spinning some tight jams. It’s been cold here lately and I’ve been kind of a recluse this month.

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This morning, a friend sent me a link to an article in the New York Times about a man who recently opened a skatepark in Afghanistan. First thing that came to mind was “oh great, more cultural imperialism. Just what that country needs!”. Then I read the article, watched the little video and changed my mind a bit.

Lastly, if you haven’t heard it by now, check out this version of the Van Halen tune Runnin’ with the Devil. David Lee Roth’s performance sans music is probably the best thing you’ll hear all day.

I had a relaxing weekend off after putting in over 50 hours last week. In fact, on Saturday night, I didn’t even leave the couch. I’ve been glued to the new Joe Strummer biography, Redemption Song. It’s was well written by a friend of his and I’m moving quickly through Joe’s life (I’m almost to the point where he forms the 101ers). Anyways, while pissing around on the internet Saturday, I found a video from Kokrobite, Ghana, the place I spent a weekend listening to and playing music. The neat thing is that at about 30 seconds into the video it zooms in on Otchie, the man who gave me some drum lessons.

Science 7, overheard in the computer lab.

Boy 1: “Is there really a hamster inside your brain?”

Boy 2: “Yes”.

Boy 1: “Are you sure?”

Boy 2: “Pretty sure”.

I found myself back at my favorite Jr. High for a day of Language Arts, but with a couple of classes I’ve never had before. One of them, a grade 9 class, was super challenging and full of little hellions. Add that to the fact the dog-sitters downstairs left at 5:30 this morning, leaving behind them a barking, howling canine. Sometimes it’s a struggle, but there are always good parts.

Me: “Why should I give you your phone back?”.

Bored Student: “I donno”.

Me: “Do you even want it?”.

BS: “Well yeah”.

Me: “Why were you texting during class?”.

BS: “I was bored”.

Me: “Tell me, what are you going to do with your bored self?”

BS: “Probably just go home and eat some pretzels”.

Poetry in grade 7. A budding laureate hands me the following:

A secret message?

All of a sudden I cannot sleep on Sunday nights. I think I’ve started psyching myself out while lying in bed, thinking about the precious minutes falling victim to Civil War and Paradise City. It’s ridiculous! Add that to the fact that the people downstairs are looking after a dog who’s bark penetrates all corners of my room and you get harsh times at 7am. But by the time I got to the school this morning, I had downed a couple cups of coffee and was good to go. This week a friend from University asked me to sub for 3 days so he can get some PD done. I’m stoked because I’ll have my own class for a few days and I’ll get to know the little rascals a bit.

Before the bell even rang a student went on about how I looked like Wolverine’s brother, presenting me with an X-Men logo he painstakingly drew for the occasion.

Started the day off with Science 7 and I ended up doing more instructing today than usual, which was a nice break from the old here’s-a-test or press-play routine. The students were more curious about me than the Particle Theory of Matter and at the end of both classes I had to field the usual age and name inquiries. Today I was 50 and my first name was a secret, because I didn’t want to break the Code of Substitutes.

Then I had a spare. I tried to nap, but that didn’t work.

Then I gave a test to the 9’s on Space which was “dumb and boring”. When they finished, we talked about the upcoming Notorious B.I.G. movie.

After lunch, I had another funny farm who thought that stars were “dumb and boring”. During the movie I showed on ancient astronomy, they were either drawing on each other or regarding how “gay” the field experts were. I thought the Aztec history lesson was interesting, but they did not and kept on asking to go outside. It was 10 degrees outside after all.

Things got even better when two more classes were added to the mix for the last period. It was a Health class and I was trying to walk them through an exercise on role models. Most of them said they either had none, or bad ones in their lives. Many talked about how living in broken families sucked etc., so I tried to get them to see some positive things. This worked out well and we ended up talking about a few characters the kids looked up to in life and whatnot. Gotta always try to keep these behavioral classes posi, or your doomed to suffer through 45 minutes of arguing and tattling. It was alright, I’m getting really good at not letting the challenging kids get my goat, but rather having fun trying to get them to just do something.

At the end of the day, another student came up to me, remarked on my burns and gave me this lovely portrait.

It was a good day.

You and I know that there’s no better way to spend a Friday night than watching Bollywood clips from the 60’s.

I found this on Craigslist this morning. It was in the free section.

Used Time Machine (slightly broken)

I have a used time machine that I have no use for anymore. It still runs, but now it only goes forward. Also, it only travels at regular speed.

I’ve been very busy this week with paid and nonpaid work. The music is flowing, the editing is coming along and there is no shortage of requests for subs in this here city. Another friend of mine (who has a Science class) asked me to take it over for a few days which booked next week solid. So I took the day off today to tie up some loose ends and book vet, chiropractic and dental appointments, as well as a followup test to make sure I didn’t contract TB in Ghana.

Yesterday was alright, but I was wicked tired. I couldn’t sleep the night before (I had this stupid Guns ‘n Roses song on repeat in my mind for some reason) and when I finally fell asleep I was awoken by these two drunk girls at my door, looking for the frathouse. It was 2:30am when they rapped loudly at my door. I went downstairs and inquired as to what they thought they were doing. They went on about how they thought some dude lived at my house and how I needed to go get him. When I told them they had the wrong place and to go away so I could fall back to sleep they asked if they could come in to use my bathroom and my phone. I told them they were insane and to go next door. Ugh.

At the school, I had a couple Science classes, a Math class, Social Studies and Learning Strategies (aka the Funny Farm from a few weeks back). This time they were all about the paper planes. I think I collected 5 or 6 by the end of the class. They were really riled up and I had to punt a kid into the hallway for cussing a girl out in class.The rest of the day was pretty easy. In Outdoor Ed we watched a bit of the movie Over the Hedge, which was pretty good and led to a discussion on urban sprawl. The 7’s were wound up in Science and one boy told me about how the curriculum is dumb because it jumped around too much. He said it would make more sense if they looked at Canada’s timeline in a linear way. I told him that he was definitely onto something. Then he dared me to ask out the English teacher. I told him to keep his dares away from me, then he asked if we were cool during a fist pound.

I also ran into another sub that I worked with for the City a couple years ago. It was nice to see a familiar face and when I think about it, he was the last one I expected to see teaching when I originally met him. Goes to show how much I actually got to know him. I think I may have had a bit of a bad attitude back then.

I got my Master’s appeal sorted out as well. It turns out that they did not take my practicum credits into account because they were based on a pass/fail, leaving them to dip back into the last year of my B.Sc. Unfortunately, due to a C+ I received that semester, it put me under the admittance requirements by 0.1. So in order to be admitted, I have to take another class to bump up my overall GPA by that much. 0.1. Seriously. But it doesn’t bother me much since I needed some time off school anywys.

0.1 though.

Ok, so it bothers me a little bit.

Today I woke up feeling great and ended up bringing this really pleasant aura out to the kids. It turned out to be an easy day as well. I was in the Assistant Principal’s Math class at a small elementary/Jr. High not too far from my house. My students were incredibly well behaved. In fact, I have never administered a test to a group of 9’s like these, who wrote complete silence and didn’t try to cheat or mess around! I was being a clutz and kept on dropping things while in front of the class; a binder, a pencil, my cell, the class phone… each fallen object provoking a fair amount of snickers. But no matter. When this is the worst of it, your subbing day has gone very well.

Tomorrow I’m back at my favorite Jr. High and I actually get a few Science classes! Stoked!

After finishing the Slash book I listened to the new G’n'R record. You know it’s too bad, there’s actually a few tunes on there that would be pretty decent if it wasn’t for the ridiculous overproduction that I’m sure was a result of ol’ Axl obsessing over this thing for years. This song for example. Somewhere benieth the over-the-top guitar solos, a few silly vocal ideas, the dumb samples and the goofy song structure, I think there’s a decent rock and roll song. But you know what? Even when I go back through the G’n'R catalogue, there’s only about one really solid record worth of songs to be found. But who cares, because you know what’s on the horizon? A new Propagandhi record! March 10th!

I got right back at it today, so excited that I barely slept last night. I think the last time I looked at the clock was somewhere around 3am as I kicked the cat out one final time. No matter, some breakfast, a good coffee and I was ready for it.

My assignment was at an elementary and like I said, I was covering for a friend of mine. She’s played in bands here as long as I’ve known her. As a matter of fact, I think the first time we met was on the first FP tour, when her band at the time (the Wolfnote) slipped us on their bill in Penhold, AB. She asked me a few weeks back if I was comfortable teaching music in the morning and grade 4’s in the afternoon and I told her to sign me up.

The music classes were totally fun and started with some 4, 5 and 6’s. I handed them percussive instruments and we did a call and response thing to different rhythms. It was super-fun, and at one point I even convinced a couple of the shy ones to take solos. In another class full of younger kids, we played a game where they pretended they were cuckoo clocks keeping time while I played some music, then when the beat dropped out they turned into birds flying around the room. One boy told me he didn’t want to be a bird, but that he wanted be a toilet. I said he could go for it, but he would have to figure out how to sound like a toilet when he was keeping time. He did that by making flushing and ga-wooshing sounds while other kids ticked and toked. Then he flew around the room as toilets often do. I even had my first kindergarden class to whom I read Hop Aboard the Animal Train!, while they provided a soundtrack of beastly noises. Ducks, goats and cows mostly. No sweat.

Then came the afternoon.

The kids were going off. After lunch we went straight into gym which pretty much revved them up for the rest of the day. 20-9 year olds running around with floor-hockey sticks, you can imagine what it sounded like in there. My only reprieve came during a game where part of it involved them freezing for a few moments. Then more running and yelling.

Socials class aferwards was a hassle because they were still in running mode. I tried to read them a book and they had none of it. We were, rather, I was talking about oral traditions and asked them if their families had any. One kid said his was to wash his hands after making a number two, but then he confessed he hated doing so.

Science was a bit better because we watched Bill Nye, but it was at that point a kid let one rip which set off another 15 minutes worth of howling. During that time, one of the boys insisted I was Michael Jackson’s brother and decided to call me Tom Jackson for the remainder of the period. Then I had them make paper helicopter prop-like things to demonstrate simple machines and all hell broke loose. One girl got 2 time outs before I punted her into the next room. Another boy tried to push his friend over while he was still sitting in his desk. A girl kept dancing on her desk, (she was very obnoxious). All the while a boy in the front row read a book on brains while rooting around his nose with a finger, eating anything he managed to pull out of there.

There’s not been much to talk about for the last week as far as teaching is concerned. That being said, I’ve spent the evening taking calls for work this coming week which has been somewhat of a relief. Not that I didn’t enjoy taking most of last week off. It was very relaxing, I finished a ton of editing work on the book, wrote some new songs to show the guys and read a ton. Most of it pop, but no matter. We played a show Friday night which went off like a bomb. We haven’t played much in the last month or so and the break was just what I need to get stoked about it again. Sometimes playing music becomes more like work than it does a fun, creative outlet. When this happens, I get moody and reluctant to play.

I think it stems from a point in time when my other band were trying to “make it”, if you will. Rehearsing 3-4 times a week, booking month-long tours, spending months in recording studios and trudging forward while trying to deal with each other. In the end we covered a lot of ground, but I remember really starting to dread practices. It started being a drag and everyone knew it. It’s was over two years since the last time that band wrote songs together and since getting back at it a couple months ago, things have been coming along rather effortlessly. We’re even sorting out a date for our first show in two years, a benefit our guitar player helped curate and that we used to play annually.

In more exciting band news, there’s been some talk about my newer band going to Cuba for a few shows. While nothing solid has materialized, the idea has certainly piqued my interest. As far as touring goes, I’m not much interested in long tours for peanuts anymore. Unless you’re covering new ground, or supporting a better known band it seems like a waste of time to me these days. Like Chuck D says, if you’re in a band, look East and West because there’s not much for you in North America. Not getting my hopes up too much, but a friend is definitely doing the groundwork to try to make it feasible so we’ll see what happens.

On another note, a prof who gave me a reference came in to the restaurant on Friday and asked about my Masters status. When I told him I was denied and that I was waiting to hear back about my appeal he wondered why I hadn’t told him earlier. I said I didn’t really think it mattered. He’s got some pull in the faculty and told me that he’s going to check on the sitch this week. I guess in the back of my mind I like the idea of having some time off from school, but it would still be cool if something worked out, maybe for the fall?

Off to an elementary tomorrow. A friend of mine has a music class she asked me to sub for which should be fun. I kind of like this idea that I’ve got this whole cohort spread around town that can call me in for a favor. The school district is large, but the teaching community seems not so large.

50 pages left of Slash, then it’s on to Joe Strummer’s story. Gift cards from Chapters rule!

Lastly, check out these dudes who converted their car so that it runs on garbage! Apparently, the same process (gassification) is supposed to start being used to generate power at the landfill in my town by 2012. Neato!

I’ve been taking it easy these past couple of days. The phone hasn’t rung. My guess is that most teachers probably want to start the year off on the right foot, so they’re avoiding taking time off. In the meantime, I’ve once again found myself editing down what will turn into a book this summer, about how I got to where I am. Sitting in bed reading Slash’s autobiography? Nah, more about what went down in the last couple of years as I came closer and closer to being in front of the classroom. Some stuff is lifted directly from here, but much of it was taken from my personal journals. I bound a few promo copies and it turned out alright so I gave it to family this Xmas. Hopefully I’ll be able to have it available on campus by the next influx of new Ed students.

It’s always hard to decide what to talk about here. Sometimes I want to dish it all out, band debauchery sells! (I’ve read 200 pgs of Slash in 2 days!) As would the romance, drama and tales of the ridiculousness goings on in my close knit circle of friends I’m sure. But I have to work at keeping this whole thing pseudo-anonymous because, especially now that I sometimes see upwards of 500 kids a week, I can’t afford students going home, googling my name and showing their parents. My attempt at professionalism, I guess.

My holidays were good. I had a great visit with the fam. The grandparents are not getting younger, but they’re not getting boring either. My cousin is seeing a vice principal in Kuwait and I was regailed with a few stories of what kids are like when they have millions of dollars at their disposal. Of course I ate a ton of sweets and my favorite Xmas dish, vegan perogies. The matriarchs are very kind to accommodate my diet and I feel very greatful, as some of my friends don’t eat nearly as well as I do when the holidays roll around.

NYE was fun too. We opened for a band that used to be pretty big around these parts, Les Tabernacles. They called ‘er quits a few years back, but decided to do a one off reunion and it couldn’t've been more well received. I had to get my gear back that night however, so I didn’t really take part in the festivities. By 3am I was booting people out of my place so I could go to sleep. Mr. Crankypants.

Resumed work this weekend at the restaurant. I was stoked because for the first time, some girl played it smooth and gave me her number during a shift. That kind of thing never happens to me, you see. Unfortunately I don’t really see it going anywhere. A bummer because cute vegetarians are hard to find, especially in the winter when it’s time to hibernate.

The water was turned off in my place today so Roomie and I spent the night complaining about how we stunk and how it was going to suck if we had to walk a few blocks to use the can at Safeway. It reminded my of being in Ghana again, and how we are prone to taking water for granted when we have it. I even boiled some water this evening to to dishes in the sink, cub-scout style. Luckily for us, the water was turned back on shortly before midnight, though just as I was becoming comfortable with my greasiness and skin that started to smell weird, yet pleasant.

I think that’s all I’ve got for now, it’s time to get back to Slash.

The vegan teacher will be back next Monday, January 5. Until then, I’m going to be doing as little as possible in order to fully enjoy this time off from school, work, writing and band rehearsals.

Happy New Year, 2009 will be even better.